Meet your ideal match

Envision your perfect romantic partner. Better still, create a list of all the qualities you desire in a partner, as well as those you don't. Narrow it down to the top 10 attributes for each category. By utilizing the insights in this blink, you can meet and date such a woman.

It’s a fact that only 3% of men “understand” women. This understanding enables those men to win the hearts of their ideal partners. While this may seem somewhat misogynistic, the ideas presented here are nevertheless intriguing. We’ll explore the mentality behind “pickup strategies”, how to set up a successful first date, and practical advice for sustaining a relationship. Let’s get started.

Smile at everyone.

The bride’s friend you meet at a wedding. The woman taking in an art exhibit. Your friendly neighbor. Here’s the secret to approaching them, and every other woman you meet in private or public – treat them all the same.

No, that doesn’t mean you have to ask out every woman you meet, and it doesn’t mean you need to rush up, shower them with compliments, and profess your deepest feelings. In fact, it’s just the opposite. What you are going to do is read their cues, be a gentleman, and try to make them smile.

Treating every woman like this has several positive effects. First, it’s a good reminder that you should enter every relationship thinking about what you can give (in this case just a smile) and not about what you can get. Relationships are about trust and feeling comfortable, and if someone knows you want something from them it will make them uncomfortable and you will seem untrustworthy.

Second, treating all women the same prevents you from believing some of them are out of your league, which is what many men think when they meet an attractive woman. Third, and perhaps most importantly, it allows you to practice approaching women and making them comfortable enough to smile. This is the same technique you’ll use when you meet a woman you want to date, so practicing now will make you confident in the future, and confidence is key.

The secret is to take your time. Start by making eye contact with women and smiling. Women who are available, or at least willing to talk, will smile back. Women who are not available or don’t want to talk will look away or ignore you. When you’re ready, go up to one of the women who smiles at you and ask how they’re doing, or what they think of the painting you’re both looking at, or their opinion on some item in the store.

Keep in mind that this is simply a practice exercise. You should try approaching women who you don't necessarily find attractive, with the understanding that the interaction will be brief and you'll politely bid them farewell after just a few minutes. Doing this will help alleviate the fear of rejection that often prevents many men from taking the initiative.

Don’t waste your time with Zoe.

Your friend, Frank, is smitten. He met a gorgeous girl named Zoe at a bar. After buying her drinks all night and multiple tries at her phone number, Frank finally got it. After a few days, she got back to him and though she altered their plans a few times, she eventually went out on a date with him. When their date ended, they didn't even hold hands or share a goodnight kiss. And to top it off, she's now only responding to a portion of his calls and texts. Still, Frank is convinced she’s the one. He’s sure if he tries hard enough, she’ll fall for him.

Most of us know someone like Frank. Maybe it’s you. Frank is breaking a key rule when it comes to romantic endeavors: Don’t waste your time with women who aren’t attracted to you. Had Frank possessed a deeper understanding of women, he would have been able to pick up on all the signals that Zoe was sending him which indicated that she wasn't genuinely attracted to him – not giving her number right away, changing plans, no physical contact, or not replying to his calls.

When you approach a woman and start a conversation, you need to watch for the signs to see if she is interested – does she return your smile, move closer to you as you talk, or maybe even touch your arm? Or does she avoid eye contact, give short answers, and move away from you? Maybe she gives vague answers like, “I’m not interested in dating anyone right now,” or, “I’m just here on a girls’ night out.” Women say no in lots of ways. They’re often vague because when they’re direct men can turn rude and belligerent.

If she’s not interested in you, don’t take it personally. Be a gentleman and move on. Chasing her is not going to work – it might even make you seem needy or make her want you even less. As the saying goes, there are plenty of fish in the sea. Meeting the right woman is a numbers game, and the chances of the first woman you approach being your ideal match are slim. Instead, talk to lots of women and evaluate their different interest levels.

Private events like weddings or barbecues where mutual friends can make introductions and vouch for you are some of the best places to meet women. Public places like stores or even bars can be more difficult because women tend to have their guard up in public. If you happen to be at a bar, a useful technique is to grab your drink, stroll around, and offer a quick cheers along with a friendly word to groups of approachable women. Once that's done, find a spot where you can be easily seen. This way, you'll appear to be someone who's simply out to have a good time, and the women who are interested will naturally gravitate towards you.

First impressions.

Discovering the ideal woman for you, and cultivating a joyful and affectionate relationship is more of an art than a science. You have to read subtle changes in situations and feelings – and then adapt on the fly. That being said, there are some specific hints and guidelines that you can use for opening lines, initial small talk, and asking for her phone number.

We’ll start, naturally, with the opening line. You should approach that attractive woman with confidence because you’ve practiced. You’ll be comfortable because you know there are plenty of fish in the sea. Simply say, "Hi. What's your name?" without offering your own name right away. If she responds with her name, say, "Okay, Anne, it's nice to meet you," without offering your own name. However, if she expresses further interest by asking for your name, then you know there's some level of attraction there. On the other hand, if she responds with a simple "Thanks" or "Nice to meet you, too," it's likely that she's not interested, and you should move on. Remember, there are plenty of fish in the sea!

If the woman appears to be interested, keep the conversation light-hearted. Crack a few jokes or even tease her playfully, but ensure that you don't go overboard and come across as mean.  Alternatively, if humor isn't your forte, try to stay positive by asking questions like "Isn't this place fantastic?" or "Do you like Mexican food? I just had an incredible dinner before coming here." Positive subjects elicit uplifting emotions, which will encourage the person to want to engage in more conversation. Don’t complain or bring up serious subjects like politics, religion, or your past relationships.

There are some men who believe that they should reveal all their emotional baggage to a woman as soon as they meet her. They believe that doing so will demonstrate their emotional depth and sensitivity, and that women will be impressed by it. However, that kind of scenario only happens in the movies.  Oversharing can make you look needy, and it eliminates the sense of mystery that many women find attractive during the dating process. 

If you keep sensing her attraction, the next step is asking for her phone number. However, keep the conversation brief, lasting only between five and fifteen minutes before asking. You can smoothly say something like, "Well, I should probably get going now, Anne, but could I get your phone number?" Avoid adding phrases like "...and maybe I can call you for a date?" since she already knows why you're asking for her number. If she readily provides her phone number, email address, and Instagram handle, you'll know for sure that she's genuinely interested. If she delays or asks for your card or number instead, she’s probably not.

When to call.

In the classic 1996 movie "Swingers," there's an iconic scene where Mike (played by Jon Favreau) calls a woman he met earlier that night and proceeds to leave multiple messages on her answering machine. Unfortunately, he ends up making a fool of himself and unbeknownst to him, the woman had been listening to all of it. Eventually, she picks up the phone and tells him to never call her again.

Now that you have her number, don’t be like Mike. When do you call? The answer is simple: wait for three days. So, if you met her on Friday, call her on Tuesday. This strategy helps create a sense of mystery, assures her that you're not overly needy, and gives the impression that you're a busy and in-demand individual - all pluses when it comes to attracting a potential romantic partner.

The guidelines for what to say when you call are also straightforward. “Hi Anne, this is Ron, how are you?” Don’t explain who you are, where you met, or what you were wearing. Instead,  carefully listen to her response – this is the moment when she will reveal her true level of attraction. If she says something like, “Hi! Ron, was wondering when you’d call,” you’ll know she’s interested. If she says, “Ron who?” or, “Where do I know you from,” she’s very likely not interested. An easy out at this point is to simply apologize and say you have the wrong number. It’s not a lie. If she’s not attracted to you, it is the wrong number.

If you sense that she's genuinely interested, don't hesitate to ask her out on a date. Some guys mistakenly believe that they should talk on the phone for hours before doing so, but it's better to save those conversations for when you're face-to-face. During this conversation, keep things light and friendly, just like when you first met. Allow her to do most of the talking and ask her questions about herself. Pay close attention to what she says, as she may refer to it later on. Use humor to keep things lighthearted, but be sure to limit the amount of talk about yourself. Instead, keep the focus on her and make her feel special.

After five to fifteen minutes of chatting, ask her out. Be straightforward. “Anne, would you like to go out to dinner next weekend?” Yes, it should be for the following weekend, so that means a week and a half from the day you met. No, it should not be open-ended, like, “Are you maybe free to go out some time?” as this can come across as indecisive and lacking confidence, which won't help to raise her level of attraction towards you. If she says, “Yes,” don’t ask where she wants to go. You pick a specific place and time and tell her you’ll meet her there. If she won’t commit to a date, or says no, then the attraction isn’t there and it’s probably time to move on.

First dates.

James is a hopeless romantic who envisions taking women on extravagant dates, lavishing them with compliments, and impressing them with his numerous accomplishments. Unfortunately, he's still young and just beginning his career, which means that he doesn't have the financial means to do all that he dreams of. He assumes that his dates will be a complete failure due to his limited resources, but he couldn't be more mistaken.

First dates shouldn’t be lavish. Spending too much money or being too complimentary might come off as desperate, or even as a bribe for sex. Engaging in approval-seeking behaviors such as boasting about your income or vacations can make you appear needy.

Instead, keep things light and positive. Ask her questions – and let her do most of the talking. Go somewhere that’s a good setting for conversation – a quiet bar for drinks, a low-key restaurant, a cafe for dessert. You’ll be able to get to know each other and you can keep gauging her level of interest. Going to the movies, loud concerts, or bars all make it hard to talk and see where things stand.

Playing pool or mini-golf are also good options, and activities like that allow you to move closer to her physically. She will let you know that it’s okay to make physical contact by bumping into you while you walk, or touching your arm while you talk. After she does this, look into her eyes during the conversation, and then glance down at her lips. Do it again. If she looks at your lips while this is happening, she’s considering kissing you, which means it’s time for you to initiate the first kiss. Be confident and take the lead.

Kissing may lead to heavy petting, and you can ask if your date would like to go back to your place for dessert, wine, coffee, or anything else. However, it's unlikely to happen on the first date. Women usually sleep with men on the second or third date, so if that hasn't happened for you, it may be time to move on. Remember that each woman you meet teaches you something about the right match for you, so don't be discouraged.

It's important to treat all women the same way by being a gentleman, reading their cues, and making them smile. This will help build trust and confidence in yourself. Next, don't waste your time pursuing women who aren't interested in you, as it won't lead to a happy relationship. Instead, approach women at private events or in public places with a light-hearted conversation and positive attitude. Once you've exchanged numbers, wait three days before calling and keep the conversation short and friendly. Finally, for first dates, keep things light and positive by asking questions and engaging in activities that allow for conversation and physical contact. Remember, each woman you meet teaches you something about the right match for you, so don't be discouraged if things don't work out.