How to cope, and even thrive, as a highly sensitive person

Do you avoid parties? 

Do you feel compelled to sit through events because leaving will hurt people’s feelings?

Do you feel anxiety when people watch you perform tasks you normally excel at?

Do you leave people stunned by how you come up with genius ideas? 

Chances are you’re a highly sensitive person.

Contrary to popular assumption, you’re not shy. You’re not a spoilsport, either. You just have the uncanny ability to pick up nuances others are not equipped to notice. Rather than worry about this trait, you’ll help yourself and everyone around you if you learn to manage and exercise this superpower.

This short content may show you just how.

Signs you’re a highly sensitive person

Meet Rob and Rebecca. They’re twins – fraternal, not identical.

At age three, they become big brother and big sister, so a friendly couple comes to care for the twins for a few days before the new baby comes home.

When Rob walks into his parents’ room and finds strangers, he’s so terrified, he screams. Rebecca walks in, says hi, and off she goes, smiling.

Rob’s neither shy nor anxious. He just sees, smells, and hears things Rebecca isn’t equipped to absorb.

He’s inherited a highly sensitive nervous system. As he grows, he’ll forget most of what’s happened in his childhood – but his body and subconscious will always remember.

He’ll spend more time processing events. His dreams will be vivid and will have a lot to do with what’s happening in the real world. His dreams might even predict future events with astonishing accuracy.

If that sounds like you, you’re among the 20 percent of people with Rob’s superpower.

What Rob experienced when he saw strangers in his parents’ bed wasn’t necessarily fear. It was information overload. He was just overstimulated.

Highly sensitive people, or HSPs, will complain about the volume of music at a bar. They’ll catch the hint of a frown that says a colleague’s wife hates Christmas parties. They can judge the character of a florist by looking at how she arranges flowers. 

These subtle clues can come with great benefits. If you’re an HSP, they can help you enjoy the wholesome sensory experiences of laughter, music, work, and sex.

What you need to look out for is balance. Each person has an optimal arousal level. Get above this threshold and you can experience discomfort, and, in extreme cases, paralysis or panic.

Of course, everyone has a sensory threshold. The difference here is that the highly sensitive have lower thresholds and might not be able to stand honking cars or large crowds. Some might not even be able to take small groups for very long.

It’s all about exposure and intensity. Beyond that red line, HSPs need to recharge.

Getting the best out of your highly sensitive personality

A recluse decided he needed time away from the world. He shut himself inside a cave all alone and meditated. But soon the sound of dripping water in his sanctuary became unbearably loud. He was no happier in the cave than outside it.

The lesson here is that if you’re an HSP, you’re going to need some level of flexibility to find, test, and progressively improve your ability to manage stimulation.

The first step is to be kind to yourself. Treat your mind and body as you would your infant self. Get proper sleep, eat well, exercise, and find a comfortable space you can always run to if you need to feel safe.

That safety might come in the form of deep, meaningful friendships with like-minded people who share your compassion for service, art, or spirituality.

Second, understand that your body will rebel at outside pressure. Follow the path that will lead you toward greater autonomy in things like employment. Even while you’re working for others, however, you can improve the talents that will eventually buy your freedom.

Excelling at your job and communicating with your superiors about what what works best for you will earn you more flexibility.

Always be sensitive to bursts of creativity. Your intuition gives you foresight, making you good at analysis and prediction in ways ordinary people can’t understand. But you must learn to prioritize to see projects through. 

Another situation you’ll encounter is performance anxiety. Remember that this doesn’t happen because you’re shy or incompetent. In fact, about 30 percent of highly sensitive people are extroverts, but still experience over-arousal.

To fight performance anxiety, spend time on preparation, and go into meetings or presentations with notes to help you focus.

Remember, you need a social life as much as any other person. You just need it in different doses. Help your significant other and friends understand why you need a break – but occasionally make the effort to stay out longer. This will make them happy, and has the added advantage of raising your arousal threshold.

Raising a sensitive kid? Make sure they’re securely attached. Give them the protection they need while helping them build the confidence to go out and experiment.

Meditation is an effective way to calm HSPs. Apart from its healing powers, meditation can transform past negative events into positive change.

Say you got flustered at your first work presentation. Recall the experience and your reaction. Was it shame, anger, or humilitaion?

Let yourself feel that emotion. Don’t resist if your body expresses it through tears, rage or laughter.

As an HSP, how can you make it work next time for you? Resolve to take that step. Writing it down will make your resolve even stronger.

Being kind to yourself, managing stimulation, preparation, good communication, and meditation will make you thrive as an HSP.

Highly sensitive people inherit nervous systems that are keener than those of the average person. This makes them feel, see, hear, absorb, and process more information from their environment.

If you experience a high level of stimulation, find out how your mind and body work. Treat yourself with kindness, and progressively seek autonomy in different aspects of your life. Cultivate meaningful relationships, go outside and play – and remember: your superpower can be a gift to the world.