Reprogram the way you think about alcohol.......

We haven’t always needed alcohol. Think about life as a kid – time was spent playing with friends, running around, and exploring the world.

As adults, relaxing or having fun is often centered around drinking. We use alcohol to relieve stress when we’re anxious. It’s entertainment when we’re bored and consolation when we’re sad. 

But, in reality, alcohol can hurt more than it helps. It’s a natural depressant. It poisons us – which is why we throw up after a big night out. And while we drink to feel connected, alcohol can often leave us feeling isolated instead.

The good news is that we can reshape the way we think about drinking and reconnect with the version of ourselves that can enjoy life without alcohol. Are you up for the challenge? 

In this content, we’ll learn

• how your brain holds contradictory thoughts about drinking;

• what the taste of alcohol and the smell of goats have in common; and

• that alcohol ultimately results in more stress than relaxation.

Cognitive dissonance means that giving up alcohol is hard.

Imagine you’re on a diet. You’ve been good all day and have every intention of staying that way. But then someone at work brings in a plate of home-baked cookies. And before you even realize it, you’re scarfing one down. 

This is an example of cognitive dissonance – when your conscious and unconscious brain are in conflict with each other. Consciously, you know you should step away from the cookie tray. But some unconscious part of you just can’t resist. 

And your brain, clever as it is, does a great job of justifying your actions. You mentally make a firm commitment: that was the last cookie you’ll ever eat. Or you comfort yourself: Don’t we all deserve a treat now and then? 

As with cookies, so with alcohol.

Perhaps you’re tired of waking up hungover. Maybe you know that alcohol is adding to your waistline, and taking away from your wallet. Faced with this information, your conscious mind knows that it’d be good to cut down on drinking or quit altogether. But, even so, you end up in the bar after work because your unconscious mind – the part that controls your emotions and desires – is packed with information that just doesn't agree. 

Years of experience have told your unconscious brain that alcohol is good. For example, it helps you relax. You know this because you’ve seen your parents, or characters in movies, come home after a hard day to crack open a beer with a satisfied sigh. So as much as you might be consciously aware that alcohol isn’t always a good thing, your unconscious mind tends to urge you to drink. 

Lots of people try to stop drinking through good old willpower. But as we saw in the cookie example, that’s not really a solution. Willpower is a kind of energy. Eventually, it runs out. And if you need your willpower for one thing – like staying focused during a stressful workweek – you’ll have less of it remaining when you need to turn down that tempting beer. 

The good thing is, there’s a solution. Let’s see how reassessing your beliefs about booze can shut down that unconscious desire for a drink altogether. 

You’re probably not drinking alcohol for its taste alone.

A person owns a goat farm. And it smells, well, goaty. Whenever the author visits, she can’t help but notice the intense, unpleasant smell. 

But the smell doesn’t bother her brother. In fact, he doesn’t even notice it. But this is simply because he’s exposed to it every day.

Lots of us are pretty sure we like the taste of alcohol. Take, for example, a friend, who puts a splash of Baileys in her morning coffee. It’s no big deal, the friend says. Just like with the aforesaid person and the goat smell, she doesn’t notice the alcohol. Actually, she can’t even taste that it’s alcoholic. She just loves the creamy, sugary edge that the Baileys adds. 

The beliefs we hold about our reasons for drinking may not be true – and there is a great technique to help reassess them. It’s called A C T or ACT. You can use it to pinpoint how you really feel about the taste of alcohol. 

The first step is to be aware of your belief. Say it out loud: “I drink because it tastes good.” 

Now, get some clarity about how you truly feel. Think about the first time you tasted alcohol. Maybe it was a sip of your parents’ wine as a kid. Did you honestly enjoy the taste? Unlikely. Maybe it burned your throat or made you wrinkle your nose. That’s because we generally don’t like the taste of things that harm us. Just as we turn up our noses at rotten food, our taste buds rebel against alcohol in order to protect us. 

Sure, over time, our brains accept the taste. Keep forcing alcoholic drinks down, and our brains will give in and make that taste easier to process. Eventually we become immune to the taste – or, as is commonly said, we “acquire” it. 

Now that you’ve explored your belief about the taste of alcohol, you can turn it around – the final step in the ACT method. Take the time to consider what your truth is here. Can you honestly say, “I drink alcohol because of the taste?” Or would “I don’t drink alcohol for the taste” be more accurate? Or maybe it’s really just: “Alcoholic drinks don’t taste good.” 

But if it's not for the taste, why are we drinking? 

Alcohol activates chemicals that make you feel good – and then bad.

You’ve had a tough day at the office. But now all is well – it's happy hour! You’ve joined your friends at the bar and ordered a glass of wine. As you work through the first glass, you feel yourself unwinding. You become a little giggly, even slightly euphoric. For the first time all day, you genuinely feel good. 

Now, stop for a minute. What’s actually happening here? Why do you feel good? And why can’t you just enjoy that first glass and leave it at that? Why do you feel the need to keep drinking?

The little buzz you get from the first glass of the night is a simple chemical reaction. It takes place in the nucleus accumbens – or, more simply, your brain’s pleasure center. 

When you start to sip your wine, your brain releases a lot of dopamine, a chemical responsible for cravings and desires. Dopamine makes you feel good – and that, in turn, makes you want more. 

At the same time, your brain tries to rebalance. It recognizes that it’s been artificially stimulated. It releases dynorphin, a downer, which suppresses your warm, euphoric feeling. So as that wonderful initial sensation wears off, you actually start to feel slightly worse than you’d been feeling before you took your first gulp of the evening. The solution is obvious: another glass of wine, another sweet dopamine hit, and you’re feeling good again. 

But consuming more alcohol also has broader effects. It slowly but surely numbs your senses. It slows down your brain. Keep drinking, and you’ll start to feel slightly detached from reality. You may tell yourself that this is a good thing. Your brain adopts a kind of tunnel vision and loses its ability to think long-term. That’s why we end up doing stupid things while drunk, like texting an ex at 2:00 a.m. We simply can’t process the longer-term consequences of the action. 

If you’re trying to give up alcohol, it may be helpful to remember that the feelings of pleasure you get with the first glass are simply chemical reactions in your brain. Once you fully admit this, you can start to unpack some more of your beliefs about why you drink.

Alcohol isn’t an oasis of relaxation; it’s a source of stress.

Take a moment to list all of the reasons you drink. There’s no judgment here, so be as honest as possible.

Now list the reasons you don’t want to drink. Maybe you’re sick of waking up feeling like hell. Or you’re scared that your memory is sometimes a little fuzzy. Or you just don’t want to be tired and broke all the time. 

If you’re like most drinkers, there’s probably a common theme – that you drink, at least in part, to relax, unwind, or destress. 

For a lot of us, relaxation tops the list of reasons to drink. Let’s be fully aware of that belief and give it a name: “Drinking relaxes us and helps us handle stress.”

Now, let’s delve a little deeper and get some clarity. Does drinking really relax you and help you handle stress?

If you think about it, you may realize that alcohol is just muting your stress. The only way to actually make the stress go away and achieve true relaxation is to address the source of tension. Talk to your boss. Deal with your relationship problems. Tequila can’t solve your work crisis; it can just make you forget about it – at least for a little while, until you wake up feeling worse than before. 

And we haven’t even touched upon the stress that getting drunk can bring to your life. This includes things like being hungover at work or dealing with a partner that’s angry at your inebriated behavior. We tell ourselves that alcohol relaxes us – but the cold, hard truth is that it only brings more stress into our lives. 

In fact, that’s literally, physiologically true. Alcohol is a depressant, so our bodies counterbalance it by releasing stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. And because it takes a week for these hormones to leave the body, if you’re a regular drinker, you’ll pretty much always have increased levels of adrenaline and cortisol. So while pounding eight beers might give the illusion of dulling the pain, it will leave you with an elevated stress level for a week to come. 

All this to say, think carefully about your reality with alcohol. Is it possible that alcohol creates as much stress as it relieves?

True, meaningful human connection arises without alcohol.

Maybe you’re ready to take some time off from alcohol. But, sooner or later, your friends will notice the change. And they might not support your decision, instead telling you to “lighten up” and have “just one” drink on a night out. If that happens, it's important to recognize that fear is probably at the bottom of it. 

Maybe they know, deep down, that they’re also drinking a little too much – but don’t want to admit it. Or maybe they’re just scared you won’t hang out with them as much anymore. 

A good approach is to take things easy. Don’t make a big deal out of going alcohol-free. Keep it light and breezy. You could say something like: “Hey guys, I drank so much last month, it’ll last me for the next 30 days. I’m on a time-out!” 

While things may be awkward in the short term, there could be a long-term reward. 

If you’ve ever tried to have a deep and meaningful talk with a friend while they’re drinking, you probably know it’s all but impossible. They won’t take you seriously. You can tell from their eyes that they aren’t truly present. 

The truth is, if you’re busy trying not to fall off your barstool, you won’t be able to truly connect with someone. There are biological reasons for this. Alcohol in your system slows down the firing pace of neurons in your brain. It takes you longer to respond to your friends. Get really drunk, and you need to concentrate hard just to get the right words out at all. 

Truly authentic, nourishing human connection only happens without alcohol. When the i first went alcohol-free, i had a friend who never wanted to meet up anymore. It turned out, the friend didn’t think we’d have much fun together if we aren’t slamming few pegs. But i persuaded my friend to come over. “Hey, at least if it's super awkward, we can laugh about it,” i said. 

My friend came over in the end – and we had the best time together. We talked about family, religion, and politics. We laughed so hard it hurt. We abandoned the hike and movie we planned for the day to keep talking. It turned out that alcohol had stolen true connection from us for years. Now, the we are closer than ever.

An alcohol-free life has a lot to offer. But getting there isn’t necessarily easy. In the final blink, let’s look at some ways to take control. 

If you’re trying to quit drinking, don’t expect perfection.

It can be intimidating to say, “That’s it, I’m never going to drink again,” which is why it’s great to start with just 30 days. Thirty days isn’t forever. And if you do make it through, why not try 60 more? By abstaining for longer and longer periods, you can start to look forward to a future in which alcohol does not control your life. 

One of my close friends did this, until he eventually reached a year without drinking. At that point, he no longer saw any reason to drink again. He had defeated his cognitive dissonance around alcohol; his unconscious need for alcohol no longer fought against his conscious desire to stop drinking. 

He was free.

Lots of people embrace a 30-day alcohol-free challenge, only to be blindsided by a temporary failure. A single drink can destroy a would-be quitter’s self-esteem. But it doesn’t have to.

Take a lesson from the corporate world, where a 5 percent increase in sales or a 10 percent reduction in costs is celebrated. If you normally drink every night and then abstain for 30 days, you’ve reduced your alcohol consumption by 8 percent for the whole year. That’s big! And even if you slip up five days in 30, you’ve still hit a success rate of 84 percent. That’s big, too! Give yourself a pat on the back, and celebrate the wins. Don’t dwell on the blips. 

If you’re worried about falling back into drinking, then keep yourself on the straight and narrow by setting non-negotiables for yourself. 

Non-negotiables are lines you will not cross without consequences. After forgetting my wife’s birthday, I set memory loss as a non-negotiable. If i woke up with a memory gap, i knew i had to take action, which in my case meant entering a period of complete sobriety. 

Ultimately, going forward with an alcohol-free life is possible – if you’re able to truly turn around the long-held, deeply ingrained beliefs you have about drinking. So, think carefully about why you really drink. Consider what it means to you and what it does to your life, your physical and mental health, and your relationships. 

Your brain is an incredible thing. Today, it may be telling you to have a drink. But you can reprogram it, one day at a time. 

Alcohol is an addictive and harmful substance, although society doesn’t see it that way. We tell ourselves that booze helps us to relax, be happy, and have fun with friends – when the reality is much more harmful. But all of us have the power to take control of our drinking. Challenge yourself to 30 days without alcohol, and you just might discover a healthier, more fulfilling life. 

Actionable advice:

Weigh yourself and take a photo before you kick your alcohol habit. 

If you want to try giving up alcohol for 30 days, be sure to take a photo of yourself and make a note of your weight before you start. You may be pleasantly surprised by the change and improvement in your appearance after a month without all the calories you’d usually be getting from drinking. 

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