Anger stems from frustrated expectations, but compassion can help

In Western society, the pressures of modern life can foster unrealistic expectations and desires; everybody wants a bigger apartment and a better career, and it’s easy to believe that more is always better.

However, what matters more than these expectations themselves is what happens when you inevitably fail to meet all of them. The result is almost always fear, which soon transforms into anger.

Such fear is all too common. It’s the fear of not getting what you want, the fear that others don’t love you or the fear of being disrespected. The anger that results from these various uncertainties can be painful, as well as damaging. Luckily, though, you can overcome it through compassion and love for others.

Just take the scientist Paul Ekman, who became a “rage-aholic” because of his father’s aggressive behavior and his mother’s suicide. His rage was so powerful that it would burst out randomly throughout the week – that is, until he met the Dalai Lama at a conference hosted by the Mind and Life Institute. As the Dalai Lama held Paul’s hand and gazed into his eyes with pure love, Paul’s rage vanished in an instant.

Compassion can be a powerful tool for connecting people – but, surprisingly enough, so can sadness. In fact, studies conducted by the psychological researcher Joseph Forgas found that low levels of sadness can actually have positive outcomes.

The sad participants in Forgas’s experiment had greater sensitivity to social norms, as well as improved judgment and generosity compared to those who were happy. Forgas identified this last trait by asking participants to decide how much money of a given amount to keep for themselves and how much to give to others. In the end, the sad participants were much more willing to share than the happy ones.

Or take another example from the Dalai Lama. When his foremost teacher passed away, the author was overwhelmed by sadness and agony. But instead of wallowing, he turned his suffering into motivation to fulfill his teacher’s wishes. He now teaches those who have lost close friends or family that sadness, while inevitable, can also be used to achieve ambitious dream.